Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone for the first time?

— (via zwischenfernwehundsuizid)

I need to vent…

Oh boy.

I guess it’s been a while.
Is this necessary?
Kinda.

Before I get into it.. I want to not be so negative and say.. I got a brilliant job working with parliament on Monday. Had been waiting since Feb to see if I got it. Best news ever.. and it’s the biggest blessing I’ve received.
All praise to God. πŸ™


Okay. Now for the crappy stuff.

So. Some months ago.. I was kinda.. I guess, seeing someone. Well.. I dunno if you can call it that, I guess we were.. kicking it. Shrugs.

Point is.. my insecurities started eating away at me for various reasons that I don’t particularly need to share.
Anyway. I decided I was gonna get thick if it killed me lol

So I went on the pill to help with the weight gain.. Now before going on it, I read a side effect.. (Well I read many) Something about skin discolouration.

Now everyone.. that meets me always comments on one thing about me.. “I have flawless skin”. I never believed it.. I just thought my skin was casj. Until now.

Fast forward.. Hit my 3rd month of being on the pill and boom. Discolouration. The proper word for it.. Melasma.

And now… I feel like absolute sh*t.

It’s on my cheeks.. it looks horrid. And overall my skin just isn’t glowy anymore. It’s dull, a shade darker and then there’s the discolouration..

This might seem minor to y’all but it’s huge to me. I never appreciated my skin till now. I’m not the most confident girl in the world so.. this is just one more thing to beat myself up about.

I read that if you stop taking the pill, your skin may go back to normal.


So.. Ass vs Flawless Skin.
No brainer.
No more pill for me.

This was long.. but in short.. I just feel really ugly, more than usual.

If someone could run up in my bed, lay beside me.. hold me and tell me I’m beautiful, that’d probably make me feel better.

However.. as that is not my reality, I’ll just close my eyes and dream it instead.

Monday morning.. I prayed to God for a beautiful birthday week. Thursday afternoon, I met Drake 😭😭😭

And now today’s my birthday & the pics got released 😩😍😍

I’m sooo happy rn.

Best birthday present ever !!!
Happy birthday to me 😩😭😍

Best birthday present ever !!!
Happy birthday to me 😩😭😍

So today guys..
I MET AUBREY DRAKE GRAHAM!
@champagnepapi πŸ’™

I didn’t know when or if this was ever going to happen for me but it did today… and two f*cking days before my birthday. 😒

This might be a little long but let me legit explain what happened 
πŸ™ˆ

I was sleeping when my body randomly woke me up just before 3,30AM. I tapped my phone just to see if anyone been missing my ass.. and I see.. the tweet Drake retweeted about being at Browns for 4PM, clicked on it, saw the word meet… and damn near had a heart attack. Legit started crying (yas it’s that serious) and after 5 mins of deliberating & going back and forth with how far I’d be willing to take my craziness.
My craziness reached new heights.. And I jumped out of bed, showered, grabbed my cd, blanki and headscarf, left mine at 3.50AM and rolled to London via train from Luton to Oxford Circus. Ended up being number 11 in the queue.. πŸ˜©πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚πŸ™Œ

When I met him.. Gah.
So f*cking beautiful.
I stuttered, said hi twice and okay randomly.. yeah a mess. 
But I got my long hug and he was just such a lovely sweet person. I’m literally still on cloud 9.

(The pics are going up on a site tomo, I look a mess but whatevs 😩😭)

#Drake #Browns #London #MeetnGreet #FML #ImCrazy #StillInADaze

So today guys..
I MET AUBREY DRAKE GRAHAM!
@champagnepapi πŸ’™

I didn’t know when or if this was ever going to happen for me but it did today… and two f*cking days before my birthday. 😒

This might be a little long but let me legit explain what happened
πŸ™ˆ

I was sleeping when my body randomly woke me up just before 3,30AM. I tapped my phone just to see if anyone been missing my ass.. and I see.. the tweet Drake retweeted about being at Browns for 4PM, clicked on it, saw the word meet… and damn near had a heart attack. Legit started crying (yas it’s that serious) and after 5 mins of deliberating & going back and forth with how far I’d be willing to take my craziness.
My craziness reached new heights.. And I jumped out of bed, showered, grabbed my cd, blanki and headscarf, left mine at 3.50AM and rolled to London via train from Luton to Oxford Circus. Ended up being number 11 in the queue.. πŸ˜©πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚πŸ™Œ

When I met him.. Gah.
So f*cking beautiful.
I stuttered, said hi twice and okay randomly.. yeah a mess.
But I got my long hug and he was just such a lovely sweet person. I’m literally still on cloud 9.

(The pics are going up on a site tomo, I look a mess but whatevs 😩😭)

#Drake #Browns #London #MeetnGreet #FML #ImCrazy #StillInADaze

Guys I’m seeing @jheneaiko on Monday you know… my friggin birthday week 😩😭 I’ve been listening to this woman since I was 15 guys.. From “My Name Is Jhené” to them days she used to drop random songs.. “Wanna Know” and “Expiration Date” are still some of my faves. Hell I remember when everyone started jocking on “July” talking ‘bout Drake’s new song.. and I was like erm, it’s Jhené’s actually. To Sailing Souls to Sail Out to the wait for Souled Out. Like.. do you guys know how excited I am to witness the magic live? I’m done lool.. Let me leave. #BirthdayWeekSlayageClearly #JhenéAiko #WhyDoesJadeLiveInWales #WhereMySailingSoulsAt #FanGirling #Ahhh #OkayBye πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ

Guys I’m seeing @jheneaiko on Monday you know… my friggin birthday week 😩😭 I’ve been listening to this woman since I was 15 guys.. From “My Name Is JhenΓ©” to them days she used to drop random songs.. “Wanna Know” and “Expiration Date” are still some of my faves. Hell I remember when everyone started jocking on “July” talking ‘bout Drake’s new song.. and I was like erm, it’s JhenΓ©’s actually. To Sailing Souls to Sail Out to the wait for Souled Out. Like.. do you guys know how excited I am to witness the magic live? I’m done lool.. Let me leave. #BirthdayWeekSlayageClearly #JhenΓ©Aiko #WhyDoesJadeLiveInWales #WhereMySailingSoulsAt #FanGirling #Ahhh #OkayBye πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ

Pree my baby daddy.. 😍😍
So erm.. I’m still all over the place from tonight but gah. I’m just so in love y’all… Seriously lool πŸ˜©πŸ˜­πŸ™ˆ
And.. I’m not gassing myself, he loved my life this evening. However guys.. tonight. I was robbed. So.. baby daddy started asking which girl wants to come on stage & no lie.. on my life he spun around and stared me the phuck downnee.. then @jadey_4 started pointing at me and he kept staring. Next minute he gets told that a girl has already been picked for him.. πŸ˜’ This is UNACCEPTABLE guys!!! Lmao!! My heart is legit broken. But anyhoo.. besides that, tonight was perf. I love him. #WantHisBabies #TouchedHisSkinAgain #LightiesOverEverythang #GroupieForDrakeAndDrakeOnly #EssayDoneLOL #BirthdayMonthTurntOrNaahh πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

😍😍😍😍😍#YesImSpammingYourInstaFeed #MyFaveIsTooBAD *fan girls some more* #ImTrynaGiveAshleyEverettABabyAndNoOneCanStopMe πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ

I spent the weekend with bae.. 😍😍😍
#MyLastNightWithShe #LookHowExcitedSheGotAtEatTheCake #SoCute #Beyhive #BeyoncΓ© #ProperCheesing #CostumeChangesEachNightCRAZY #LOVE

Anonymous: I love your blog! Stay strong, stay beautiful, you are loved x x x

Aww thank you, this made me smile πŸ’™
Bless you xxxx

Hey..

It’s been so long since I last felt I needed to vent here.

Man… Shame that feeling didn’t last.

This probably won’t make any sense.. and I don’t even wanna “talk” too much but.. sometimes I can’t figure out whether it’s that I’m a shitty person or.. if shitty things just happen to nice people.

Like.. maybe I think I’m a nice girl but the reality is I’m not.

And that’s why things are the way they are, for the most part.

Maybe I’ve hurt someone’s feelings and failed to acknowledge that due to the fact I’m so wrapped up in my own sh*t.

I need a moment.

It’s weird.. I’m seeing 3 of my favourites in the space of a couple weeks, starting this Friday.. and yet.. I’m back at that place I hate. That place where all I wanna do is run away to another.. place. And sleep.


Instead.. I’m here.. having to pretend I’m not lost and that everything’s okay.

Not everyday woe is me unah.
Throwing some Kissy humour on that assss.

Goodnight.